Thoughts of being an innocent victim or of righteous indignation are typical of partners in troubled marriages, continually fuelling anger and hurt.
Once distressing thoughts such as righteous indignation become automatic, they are self-confirming: the partner who feels victimized is constantly scanning everything his partner does that might confirm the view that she is victimizing him, ignoring or discounting any acts of kindness on her part that would question or disconfirm that view.
These thoughts areread more »
Given the grim potential outcome of the differences in how men and women deal with distressing feelings in their relationship, what can couples do to protect the love and affection they feel for each other.
One the basis of watching interaction in the couples whose marriage have continued to thrive over the years, marital researchers offer specific advice for men and for women, and some general words for both.
Men and Women, in general, need different emotional fine-tuning.
For men, the advice is not to sidestep conflict, but to realize that when their wife brings up some grievance or disagreement, she may be doing it as an act of love, trying to keep the relationship healthy and on course (although there may well be other motives for a wife’s hostility). Whenread more »
Habitual criticism and contempt or disgust are danger signs because they indicate that a husband or wife has made a silent judgement for the worse about their partner.
In his or her thoughts, the spouse is the subject of constant condemnation. Such negative and hostile thinking leads naturally to attacks that make the partner on the receiving and defensive – or ready to counterattack in return.read more »
(Catharsis) It Makes You Feel Better…! Really?
To answer this Question, read the following short story and the following facts
[As I settle into a New York City cab, a young man crossing the street stops in front of the cab to wait for traffic to clear. The driver, impatient to start, honks, motioning for the young man to move out of the way. The reply is a scowl and an obscene gesture.
“You son of a bitch!” the driver yells, makingread more »
“Sometimes we manufacture anger to give ourselves the illusion of power when we feel weak and helpless”
“Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves” ~ Mitch Albom